The Trouble with Diable Jambe
by Kiarene
Summary: Sanji's other fighting techniques never gave him so much problems.


**The Trouble with Diable Jambe**

**Problem 1**

"Ah~~ it's so hot!" Luffy whined, slumped over the railing with his tongue hanging out.

They were docked at at a summer island, waiting for their log pose to set. The village was small and uninteresting, so after restocking, the crew lolled listlessly. They had set up one of their spare sails as an awning, so they were protected from direct sun. However, it still felt like the inside of an oven under the sail. Chopper, who was the most vulnerable to heat, was hiding inside their freezer. Unfortunately, the freezer only had space for one small reindeer or the whole crew would have been squashed inside.

"Two more hours," Nami intoned wearily. She lifted a limp wrist, where the log pose sat. Two more hours in the heat before they can set sail.

"I can't wait," Usopp moaned.

"Drinks for everybody!" Sanji called as he came down to the deck, holding bottles of cold water. The crew chorused weak thanks.

"How is it that you can still move?" Usopp whined, puzzled.

Sanji chuckled as he passed two bottles to Nami and Robin. They were lightly flavoured with thin slices of lemon. "I'm a chef. I'm used to working in hot environments."

Even so, Sanji had made a concession to the heat; instead of wearing his normal suit, he was in a loose linen shirt and khaki shorts. He distributed the water bottles, reaching Zoro last. The first mate was half-snoozing under one of Nami's mikan trees.

"Marimo. Time for your watering."

Zoro cracked an eye open as Sanji sank down under the tree next to his. He picked up his bottle and watched Sanji as the blond popped open his own bottle to drink, his long, pale legs stretched out in front of him. The swordsman's eye drifted to those deadly legs. He was always secretly amazed that such skinny legs could pack such power.

Then he noticed that something was off.

"Oi, cook." Zoro leaned closer.

"Yeah?" Sanji lay limp against the tree, too hot to start a fight.

"You shave or something?"

"THE FUCK?!" But if it was Zoro, Sanji was always ready for a fight. The blond sat up, tensing.

The rest of the crew looked over tiredly. But they were bored too, and this was funny.

Zoro ran a finger along the side of Sanji's calf before the cook could jerk his leg away. "It's smooth."

Everyone's eyes zoomed in on Sanji's legs, and the cook flushed red.

"He's right," Usopp added. He was the furthest of the crew but had the best eyesight. Pulling down his everpresent goggles, he fiddled with the lens for a moment. "You were pretty hairy before… only not so now."

"Shaddup, it's not what you think ok?" Sanji spluttered, embarrassed. "It's a side effect of using diable jambe…"

**Omake**

"Why were you looking at my legs anyway?" Sanji muttered.

Zoro flushed.

**Problem 2**

"WHY THE FUCK ARE THERE BURNED SPOTS ALL OVER THE DECK?"

"Shaddup!"

"It's too early to yell."

"Die."

The hungover crew groaned and staggered out onto the main deck, blinking blearily. They had perhaps a tad too much to drink the night before, and were NOT happy to be woken up by Franky's yelling. The shipwright wasn't hungover as he much preferred his cola to alcohol.

Everyone stared at the brown-black spots and spirals on the deck.

"Did we get attacked?!" Usopp clutched his hair in terror as he looked around.

Everyone readied for a fight, frowning and swaying a little.

"Oh dear. No, it wasn't an attack," Robin announced. She waited until everyone turned to her expectantly. "I believe cook-san should refrain from drinking so much in the future."

"Huh?" Luffy asked. Everyone turned to look at Sanji, who held his hand up.

"Wait a minute. I didn't do anything; I just drank and danced…" Sanji trailed off, paling.

"AH AH AH! I remember now!" Usopp yelled.

Nami, standing beside him, winced and slapped the back of his head. "Quieter!"

Zoro snorted in laughter. "Diable jambe."

Franky pointed at Sanji. "NO MORE DRINKING."

**Problem 3**

Franky cursed as he hammered the metal sheets to the galley floor.

Nami, who came in for a drink, paused at the door. "What are you doing?"

"Fire-proofing the galley floor." Franky examined his handiwork and shook his head, grumbling. "This looks ugly."

"Eh?" Nami raised a brow in question.

Franky sat back on his heels and pointed a hammer towards starboard, where they could hear a familiar voice raised in anger.

"You SHITTY gomu! You ate all of the meat I was preparing for dinner! DIE!"

FWOMPH.

Franky winced, thinking of the damage to his ship. Nami winced, thinking of the cost of fixing the damage to their ship.

"Make him stop it! His diable jambe is causing more damage than even his previous fights with Zoro!"

"I've tried! Believe me, I've tried! But it's tied to his emotions and Sanji-kun is so hot-headed!"

Franky stomped over to the port window and leaned out. "SANJI! PUT THAT OUT!"

* * *

A/N: Aaaand, that's all I can think of, so this story is marked complete. At least until inspiration strikes...


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